Expectations, Pregnancy, and Letting Go

Thoughts On My Pregnancy

As I enter into my third trimester of pregnancy, it’s hard not to notice the difference between this pregnancy and the last. Having been pregnant before I have caught myself with certain expectations around my pregnancy. Expectations around how I would feel physically in my body, my emotional state, how I would connect with the baby and more. Seeing these expectations and learning to ease them has been my biggest focus this time around.


So while we are on the topic, let me tell you something about expectations. Generally, we only realize they exist when they are not met. Unmet expectations tend to bring up a lot of frustration, anxiety, and feelings of self-doubt. We form expectations around our experiences, other people and their behaviour as well as expectations about ourselves. And let’s be real, having expectations isn’t always a bad thing. But it becomes a problem when our expectations are too rigid and they limit our ability to feel good in ourselves and to adjust and cope with life. It has been in motherhood that I have really learnt how my expectations can create a lot of discomfort for me.

I had felt this blow of unmet expectations many times in the first year of my daughter’s life. I was devastated when breastfeeding didn’t go as I had envisioned. I could hardly cope when she didn’t stick to the sleep schedules I read she was supposed to. I felt like a failure when I didn’t stick with the co-sleeping bed-sharing vision I had created. And trust me, I knew this was downright crazy, but I really truly had a hard time letting go. I was faced with it over and over again. Slowly I started to ease up and really go with the flow. Then I felt it rear its ugly head when I got pregnant. I’ve done this before, I know what to expect. SURPRISE, no babe, no experience is the same. 

Continual Lessons of Impermanence

There is a continual lesson of impermanence and letting go that parenthood brings forth. I think more and more, we need to spend less time on the logistics of parenthood (birth plans, sleep schedules, getting the next baby gadget) and more time learning how to let go of expectations, building our inner resilience and learning how to adapt. This pregnancy I have been leaning more deeply into this as I prepare for the impending transformation and change. 

Lastly, I just want to share that to support me on this journey and transition into momma of two, I have been reading this book by author and childbirth educator Britta Bushnell. I have found that this book has been a very helpful resource in facilitating more meaning, and adaptability, in birth and parenthood. 

xo Deandra

pregnancy, wellness, mental health, womens health, deandra tousignant, expectations, mental health resources

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